"In the 2016 documentary David Lynch: The Art Life, one of the stories Lynch recounts from his childhood is the time a naked woman appeared out of the blue on his suburban street, a bewildering sight for an impressionable boy. He doesn’t make the connection in that interview, but this was clearly the inspiration for nightclub singer Dorothy Vallens’ startling late-night appearance on Jeffrey Beaumont’s lawn near the end of Blue Velvet (out on Blu-ray this month in a new…
This "film" has a running time of about 79 minutes. Here's how that breaks down:
5.5% - Kirk Cameron's smug, hot chocolate-obsessed introduction
3% - A seemingly unmotivated cutaway to what looks like a much more interesting movie but is, in fact, not (Bonus: We get to see this footage again in its entirety when it's placed in the proper context)
2.5% - Cheaply animated opening credits set to a ska cover of "Silent Night"
7.5% - Kirk's "brother-in-law" --…