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  • Silent Night, Deadly Night III: Better Watch Out!

    Silent Night, Deadly Night III: Better Watch Out!

    ★★½

    These SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT films unfortunately have a chronic case of "nothing happens at all", and this one feels in particular fueled by lots and lots of Valium. Underacting and general low energy in every aspect of the filmmaking make this a very befuddling watch. couple that with this very... familiar cast and it coasts by enough on fumes to make getting to the end... "worth it."

  • Humanoids from the Deep

    Humanoids from the Deep

    ★★★★

    Goddammit, Lovecraft is horny on main again. Smdh.

    Nah, but forreal, Corman does know how to put together a ripping monster flick. A gory, slimy delight, with some INCREDIBLE Rob Bottin fishmonsters, wrapped together in a bow of small town racism and the effects of American imperialism against the natives. Fun!

    Totally on Mrs. Peeter’s and Mrs. Turkel’s side when it comes to the whole “fish rape” thing. Yuck.

    Also, like, is no one going to acknowledge the part where the ventriloquist dummy’s eyes move on their own?

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  • Ready Player One

    Ready Player One

    (This movie definitely has a huge audience. I am not it.)

    The perfect movie for Deadpool shirt-wearing, Rick and Morty quoting, all-night gaming, Hot Topic shopping, Mountain Dew chugging, reddit commenting, 30 year old virgin Nice Guys ™ who immediately send friend requests to female gamers when they encounter them and then go to wonder why girls never like Nice Guys™ like them. It's a movie for the gatekeepers, the guys who scoff at people whenever they misquote a Star…

  • mother!

    mother!

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    mfw Darren Aronofksy low-key remade Begotten and tricked the normies into seeing it by casting Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Ed Harris.

    Look, I absolutely cannot begin to unpack this film right now. I can safely say a film has never made me feel the way this film has made me feel, and I am not a talented enough writer to express these feelings in a coherent manner.

    I saw all of the marketing describing this film as…