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  • The Social Network

    The Social Network

    ★★★★★

    when i was in high school i didn’t have any friends yet and wanted to look cool so i found really obscure photos of young andrew garfield and told people that he was my hot exotic boyfriend who lived in england. his fake name was Charlie. Now none of that’s true but it does sound like something I would do doesn’t it

  • The Great Train Robbery

    The Great Train Robbery

    ★★★★

    i am just FASCINATED by each and every one of those 20th century theatre actors who had to awkwardly transition into acting on camera......every silent film features some helpless fucker doing the absolute MOST with their props to try and appear as normal as possible like Mortimer sis you don’t need to play to the back row we can see you baby!! we can see you!!!!!

  • The Aftermath

    The Aftermath

    ★★★★★

    list of things alexander skarsgard did in this movie that i felt DIRECTLY in my loins:

    • speaks a foreign language
    • wears glasses
    • snowball fight with keira knightley
    • sucks her tittie
    • chops wood
    • wears many sweaters
    • talks to himself in a mirror
    • gives consoling hugs
    • is 6’4

  • The Aftermath

    The Aftermath

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    a post-ww2 romantic drama starring the most beautiful woman in the world and the skarsgard brother we ALL can agree is hot, miss knightley wears her finest shiny gown since atonement and they FUCK on a table DID U THINK THIS WASNT GETTING FIVE STARS FROM ME??????? DID U THINK THAT

  • Strangers on a Train

    Strangers on a Train

    ★★★★½

    i think the worst part of getting murdered in the 1950s is that your killer would most certainly be some whiteman in a fedora

  • Steve Jobs

    Steve Jobs

    ★★★★½

    goddamn! what a great example for how biopics should be made. it doesn’t even feel like one! why? because it focuses in on a specific moment in time which sets it apart from the awful formula that so many fall into:

    1. roll footage of main character as child
    2. jump to early adulthood
    3. success! failure. success! failure. 
    4. big success!
    5. big failure
    6. rise back up to the top
    7. final moments of glory fade into pictures…

  • Chungking Express

    Chungking Express

    ★★★★½

    to the girl sitting in front of me stroking her boyfriend’s neck the entire time: this movie is not for you! this is a lonely hearts ONLY event go HOME

  • Inglourious Basterds

    Inglourious Basterds

    ★★★★★

    you can tell that quentin tarantino would just loooooove to be murdered. his cameo in this movie is “dead guy getting scalp sliced off”. he gets killed like right away in reservoir dogs. in django unchained he quite literally explodes! what if one day the mf just dies in his sleep we’d all be like :/

  • Border

    Border

    ★★★

    two thoughts: 

    1. watching foreign films without subtitles is not so bad! the visuals are great and can speak for themselves
    2. me definitely not fluent

  • The Social Network

    The Social Network

    ★★★★★

    me when it’s not even 10 pm and it’s a tuesday night: so what if it’s not even 10 pm and it’s a tuesday night

  • His Girl Friday

    His Girl Friday

    ★★★★

    pretty appalling that this movie has existed for like a hundred years and i'm only just now seeing it for the first time. starting to think watching gone baby gone every day for like 3 years wasn't the best use of my time

  • Generation Wealth

    Generation Wealth

    ★★½

    im trying to, as much as is possible, not participate in our economy. i don’t like money. so im trying to live by bartering alone