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  • It's Pat

    It's Pat

    ★★★★★

    I RETRACT MY EARLIER CONDEMNATION.

    I WOULD LOVE TO BE SODOMIZED INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS WHILE WATCHING THIS.

    I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS AND IT'S PROBABLY INAPPROPRIATE FOR 2018 SENSITIVITIES.

    AH WELL. CE LA VIE.

  • Maniac

    Maniac

    ★★★★★

    I LIKE MEWVEEZ. AND TEEVEEZ. AND TEEVEEZ THAT'S MEWVEEZ.

    I DUNNO. THAT'S ALL I GOT. SHOULD PROBABLY DELETE TWITTER. THE UNDERWHELMING THRUM OF RIDICULOUSNESS. TIDAL MONSTROSITY. PLEASE SEND WORD OF SANITY. HASHTAG MAGA.

    OH, AND JHILL IS A SKATE RAT WHICH MEANS HE'S FAMILY SO FIVE STARS AND A HEART.

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  • Drive

    Drive

    ★★★★★

    An Open Letter to Ryan Gosling,

    Hey Bro.

    So, first off, I'd just like to say that I really enjoyed your performance in this film. Had a real satisfying 'postmodern man with no name' kinda vibe to it. Nice one. Not so much with the Gangster Squad thing. I guess that was probably one of those projects that looked better on paper, huh? Hey, you win some, you lose some. I haven't seen The Place Beyond The Pines yet, but…

  • Avatar

    Avatar

    ★½

    James Cameron's next film is just going to be footage of him squealing with glee, naked, touching himself, in a pile of your hard earned money, on a greenscreen backdrop, in 3D, mocking you for spending so much cash to see his hokey movies. You'll love it and it will break all kinds of records and James Cameron will then buy the moon.