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  • Fraternity Vacation

    Fraternity Vacation

    ★★

    A mom fainting at the sight of a group of people mooning her has to be the most 80's thing in cinema history. Like just imagine that, the sight of random, unexpected butts being so powerful you lose consciousness.

  • Battle Beyond the Stars

    Battle Beyond the Stars

    ★★★★

    "With a good script, a good director can produce a masterpiece. With the same script, a mediocre director can produce a passable film. But with a bad script even a good director can’t possibly make a good film. For truly cinematic expression, the camera and the microphone must be able to cross both fire and water. The script must be something that has the power to do this."

    — Akira Kurosawa

    "One of the space samurai has to have like, really big boobies."

    — Jimmy T. Murakami

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  • Shaolin Mantis

    Shaolin Mantis

    ★★★

    Breaking down my rating system for Lau Kar-leung movies:
    5 stars = amazing
    4 stars = great
    3 stars = good not great
    1-2 stars = doesn't exist

    So yeah anyway I don't feel this really earns its conflict very well, it's all quite inconsequential, and by the time Lau Kar-wing and David Chiang get into it, it hit me just how much more I prefer hand to hand combat over weaponry. Might be the first time I've seen someone…

  • Minbo: the Gentle Art of Japanese Extortion

    Minbo: the Gentle Art of Japanese Extortion

    ★★★★★

    Here's me, once again, stating that Juzo Itami was one of the best directors around. This time my reasoning is that he made Nobuko Miyamoto the lead not just in every single one of his movies, but also his own life. Not to put her on a pedestal, because these are wickedly (whoa I just unironically did a Travolta) funny, smart, sporting nothing but A-game performances regardless, but Miyamoto manages to represent all of that on her own.

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  • Halloween III: Season of the Witch

    Halloween III: Season of the Witch

    ★★★★★

    Do you see what happens when an entitled fanbase boycots a movie because it didn't give them exactly what they wanted? DO YOU SEE?! An initiative that produced something that is so insanely gorgeous, so utterly submerged in foreboding gloom, so refreshingly unconcerned about losing you as a viewer... only to prematurely get its plug pulled, leaving us forever wondering about what could have been. And boy, don't even get me started about the soundtrack. You wanna know how I…

  • Tough Guys Don't Dance

    Tough Guys Don't Dance

    ★★★★★

    Imagine Tommy Wiseau wrote a spec script for Twin Peaks, someone only cleaned up the language to sound like actual English, but changed nothing else; then Golan & Globus got like, Vampire's Kiss Nic Cage to be an acting coach; and finally put everyone on a strict diet of cocaine. I'm 100% convinced that every ounce shown in the movie is the real deal, and NONE of it went to waste. Everyone in this movie is certifiable, and the grandiose garbage…