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  • I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

    I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

    ½

    Now obviously I didn't expect this to be good. Hell, I expected it to be bad.

    But I was not prepared for how totally unenjoyable this is.

    Maybe the most generic, boring, tired sequel in horror history.

    There's seriously zero fun. And in a horror sequel set on a tropical island, that's pretty difficult to accomplish.

    Jack Black and Jeffrey Combs play annoying characters that aren't quite interesting enough to hate.

    And I'm using the word "character" about as loosely…

  • Empire Records

    Empire Records

    ★★★

    This is so fun and genuinely joyous that I didn't at all mind its obvious flaws when watching.

    The characters are mostly well-worn stereotypes that have all been done before, and their various problems are often cheesy or over the film's head, but that's not what we're here for.

    The music is great, the cast is great, and the tone is mostly unconcerned with the drama and "plot."

    This is really at its best when it doesn't get bogged down…

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  • Avengers: Infinity War

    Avengers: Infinity War

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    That was the least interesting superhero movie I've ever seen.

    Not the worst, mind you. Maybe the second worst. But at least Catwoman runs under two hours and offers so-bad-it's-good entertainment.

    Infinity War is a bloated piece of empty, corporate garbage.

    This movie takes TWO AND A HALF HOURS to tell a story that could've been done in 80 minutes.

    The worst part is that roughly 75% of this is characters standing around talking to each other about what just…

  • Dunkirk

    Dunkirk

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I don't think this is necessarily an outright bad film, but what the fuck is the point here?

    Is the point that war is hell? If so, this is obvious to everyone already. Films like Saving Private Ryan or We Were Soldiers depict the visual atrocity and gut-wrenching fear, pain, and confusion of soldiers much more viscerally and accurately. This is a bleached, PG-13 affair that seems content to shy away from the blood, the burning corpses, and the horrifically…