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  • Eight Legged Freaks

    Eight Legged Freaks

    ★★★

    I have an important announcement to make. I have discovered the worst closing credits song in cinematic history.

  • Häxan

    Häxan

    ★★★★½

    Women giving birth to demons, monk whipping, babies and cat feces being eaten, and witches queueing up to kiss the Devil on his literal asshole. Seems a lot to ask of moviegoers in 1922.

  • Demon Wind

    Demon Wind

    ★★

    *Demon Wind screenwriter sits down at typewriter, cracks knuckles*

    "Okay, let's see... What if Evil Dead sucked dick?"

  • The Manitou

    The Manitou

    ★★★

    I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. You're gonna have to endure about 90 minutes of boredom and racism. But getting to see a topless woman blow up a midget shaman with overclocked medical equipment somehow makes it worth the struggle.

  • God's Not Dead: A Light in Darkness

    God's Not Dead: A Light in Darkness

    I paired this with Mandy, and of the two this was easily the more disturbing movie.

  • Every Which Way But Loose

    Every Which Way But Loose

    ★★½

    Turns out this movie ain't so good when you're not five years old anymore.

  • Sharky's Machine

    Sharky's Machine

    ★★★½

    RIP, you old coot.

  • Phase IV

    Phase IV

    ★★★★½

    It's a goddamn shame that the original ending was cut from this movie.

  • The Snowman

    The Snowman

    ★½

    I went in expecting a big pile of dog shit, and this film delivered.

  • Galaxy of Terror

    Galaxy of Terror

    ★★½

    I saw this movie on cable when I was five years old. This scene burned into my brain and I have been trying to figure out which movie it was from ever since. Today, after over 35 years I finally solved the mystery and I don't think I've ever felt more alive.

  • Big Trouble in Little China

    Big Trouble in Little China

    ★★★★★

    Seeing this at the cinema today means I got to start and complete my bucket list on the same fucking day.

  • Blackhat

    Blackhat

    ★★½

    If even Michael Mann can't make a good cyber-thriller, maybe we should just go ahead and mothball the whole genre.