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  • Beautiful Creatures

    Beautiful Creatures

    This movie is nothing if not beautifully...exhausting. Both the leads are laughably unbelievable as 15/16 year olds (seriously—Dawson’s Creek kids looked younger), Ehrenreich’s southern accent sounds like that guy who does the Christian Lady videos on YouTube, and it feels like Irons’ camp moments are sadly cut short. The only redeeming feature is the poorly-budgeted special effects sequences that look like something from a 2003 DCOM. 

    Also, let’s talk about the overuse of the word cuz. In reference to cousin.

  • Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

    Once Upon a Time in Hollywood


    I don’t quite know how I actually and totally feel about this, so here’s a random string of questions that the experience of watching this raised in my head:

    1. What is the significance of writing a story about the waning of film stars in the face of television and then casting two of the last Movie Stars in an era where actor/director stardom is almost completely chipped away by the emergence of Intellectual Property as the thing that cranks…

Popular reviews

  • Hereditary



    Years ago, I played in a pretty crappy punk band. Although we usually only played to friends (and, on one weird instance, a group of preschoolers), it taught me two valuable lessons about life:

    1. Always leave your audience wanting more.

    2. Never play every card you have in your hand.

    Sure, you might know twenty five original songs and a few covers--but that doesn't mean everyone there wants to fucking sit through it. After a while, even the most…

  • Manchester by the Sea

    Manchester by the Sea


    Every year, without fail, I run into one movie that's getting amazing reviews from people that I admire that just does not connect with me at all. The last victim of this curse was The Revenant, which I felt was overlong and unemotional to excess; this year's appears to be Manchester by the Sea, which amplifies those traits to the point of deafness. This film is flat, shallow, and overwhelmingly forgettable. It is cinematic tapwater.

    Almost every person I know…