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  • Mile 22

    Mile 22

    ★★★

    Of course the 95 minute, perfectly paced Mile 22 is criticized for “bad editing” while the swarm of overlong, boring “arthouse” movies that are so technically unsophisticated they could’ve been edited on a mobile version of Windows Movie Maker get praised to high heavens. 

    The whole "all action must be shown in long shot with a camera completely motionless on a tripod" meme is getting old. For some movies that approach works great. But demanding it for every action movie…

  • Braven

    Braven

    ★★

    This is what happens when you live in Canada and have no 2A right... you have to protect your family by lighting people on fire, killing them with arrows and hatchets, tying guys to four-wheelers and driving them off a cliff, and then literally tying a bear trap to a tree and intentionally stepping in it so you can spear a guy half your size off a cliff... Joe Braven, my man, just move a little south of the border,…

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  • Rocko's Modern Life: Static Cling

    Rocko's Modern Life: Static Cling

    can’t wait for the follow-up in another 20 years where Ralph kills himself

  • Ms .45

    Ms .45

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The dangerous path of letting your victimhood define and overwhelm your life. Thana's hatred spreads like wildfire from at first only her rapist and then to all scumbag men to all men in general and even to all living things in general (almost).

    Ms .45's main character is a shockingly relevant metaphor for today's brand of so-called "social justice." Thana goes out in search of offense, begging to be slighted by a man just to fuel her own sense of…

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  • Patterson-Gimlin Film

    Patterson-Gimlin Film

    ★★★★★

    Cryptids, cryptozoology, and urban legends greatly interest me. I don't actually believe most of them, or any of them for that matter, but I still think it's fascinating and I can appreciate a well-executed, imaginative hoax.

    This film is less than one minute long (depending on how many frames you watch it at) and it cost nearly nothing to make (unless, of course, they had to buy an ape costume) and just think of the effect it had on society,…

  • The Shape of Water

    The Shape of Water

    The most sickening, morally reprehensible film I've seen in a long while. An absolute mess. There's a reason the romance in Creature from the Black Lagoon was the subtext.

    R.I.P. Subtlety.