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  • Flash Gordon

    Flash Gordon

    ★★★★½

    This... fucking ruled?

    The "bad" cloud tank effects and compositing are way more beautiful and visually distinctive than most photorealistic CG. Art direction, kids.

  • Funny Games

    Funny Games

    ★★★½

    If this were content to stick to the home-invasion level it'd be an admirable little suspense flick. Instead, Haneke decides breaking the fourth wall = Important Thematic Content and makes me want to punch him. Still, his smug, vapid nods at the postmodern can't derail Watts and Roth in all their sweat-soaked, traumatized glory.

    Additional points for baby Mason Verger already doing what he does best.

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  • Suspiria

    Suspiria

    ★½

    People will say this is a slow-burn with timely themes when it's really just a completely self-serious, monochrome bore that plods on for 150 minutes (!) and tries to connect the ridiculous campiness of the original with Big Themes of the Holocaust and guilt and it's just fucking insufferable. It's a "prestige" horror movie that's embarrassed to be a horror movie. I'm not even a huge fan of the original, but Argento knew EXACTLY what he was making and just…

  • Song to Song

    Song to Song

    I don't care even if this ends up being Malick's objectively worst film, Rooney Mara plays guitar in it so it's automatically 10/10 pinnacle of cinematic achievement.