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  • Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

    Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

    ★★★★★

    Round 3. Finally, a movie that hates dirty hippies as much as I do and is willing to torch them with cinema’s greatest Chekhov’s flamethrower. It’s all there in the title, “Once Upon a Time...” This is a fairy tale, a fictional brawl against the reality of fate and a screed in opposition to the unfair burden of the real world. Sharon Tate is an angelic representation of Hollywood’s purity, an anticipatory, poppy, beautiful presence, and her real-life demise is…

  • Risky Business

    Risky Business

    ★★★★★

    The opening to Paul Brickman’s Risky Business is particularly representative of the way the film operates within its own culture as a whole. It’s a dream — the same dream Joel has had again and again — and it’s one that encapsulates the young, male experience so well. Most teen high school comedies in the 80’s revolve around similar themes explored within Joel’s dream: sex, anxiety, worries over college, etc. The difference is, Risky Business settles into exploring its themes…

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  • The Adventures of Robin Hood

    The Adventures of Robin Hood

    ★★★½

    A ton of fun, surely, but Errol Flynn is totally a little mamby pamby, running around in green tights with gold sequins lining his sleeves and a little feathered hat to top it all off. Charisma can only go so far when you’re dressed like the Jolly Green Giant. Who are we all kidding? There’s something so disingenuous about these ye old adventure tales from the 30’s — maybe it’s because we’ve been ingrained with stories about the illusion of…

  • Kill the Irishman

    Kill the Irishman

    ★★

    Goodfellas? More like Greenfellas (because they’re all Irish).

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  • The Nun

    The Nun

    ★½

    Ah, yes, I was wondering when “See Something Creepy And Follow It, Only To Be Jump-Scared Like A Moron: The Movie” would finally be coming out*.






    *This actually happens about every three minutes during this entire movie. I’m not kidding.

  • Toy Story 4

    Toy Story 4

    ★★★★

    In order to be yourself, you have to find yourself. 

    Both Toy Story and its sequel are perfect, laser-focused stories about finding yourself — the first seeing Buzz come to terms with his being a toy through the emotional aid of Woody; the second seeing Woody get too big for himself, only to be leveled back down by Buzz. They’re perfect companion pieces, as perfect as Woody and Buzz are companions themselves. Toy Story 3, no matter how forcibly it…