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  • Captain America: The First Avenger

    Captain America: The First Avenger

    ★★½

    Behold, an assortment of stock heroes hard-charging Nazis (er, cultists) cut across a greenscreen, featuring Cap, Blackie, Frenchie, Mustache, General Prestige Actor, and Pouty Lips. Marvel (pun not intended) at the fantastic effects used to make Chris Evans look like a pip-squeak and stifle vomit every time Red Skull, the lamest MCU villain, strolls on stage to mutter Evil Mad Libs. Rejoice in the knowledge that Cap's next solo adventure will represent the pinnacle of MCU storytelling.

  • Thor

    Thor

    ★★★★

    Chris Hemsworth really is far and away the most convincing leading man of the MCU, and this works so well because it gives him an appropriately classical arc through which to demonstrate his generous screen charisma. It's not just that he's a convincing warrior, but that he can hit those notes that break your heart a little, such as shame and remorse and humility and maturation into someone selfless and wise. Easily the best of the Phase 1 lot.

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  • Vice

    Vice

    ½

    This has to be the smarmiest piece of shit in cinema history, starting with a smarmy voiceover blasting everyone in the world as frivolous unless they’re as smart as Adam McKay, which, according to Adam McKay, is no one. 

    Really, this ain’t good, people, and pretending that it is just because you hate Dick Cheney is dumb. I could go on and on, but here’s a big one: The film even makes the argument that Lynne Cheney is more insidious…

  • A Wrinkle in Time

    A Wrinkle in Time

    ½

    I was in a packed theater and I stood to my feet and started chanting, "Oh-Prah! Oh-Prah! Oh-Prah!" and soon the whole audience was on its feet, rapturously cheering for Oprah.

    But then I started chanting "U-Mah! U-Mah! U-Mah!" and though it took about 10 minutes eventually everyone was cheering for Uma.

    Uma Thurman 2020.