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  • The Girl on the Train

    The Girl on the Train

    ★½

    if gone girl is chanel the girl on the train is maybe walmart dumpster.

    another instance of grim-dark storytelling with an ending which feels sudden and without any build-up for the seemingly positive note it tries to carry, and populated with Manic Pixie Dream Girl but-with-a-dark-secret-trauma-about-children, catty woman (with child), and a main protagonist whose ultimate sin is the crime of being infertile.

    the narrative is bumpily-paced, with the only real mystery of the book being: which of these equally…

  • The Stepford Wives

    The Stepford Wives

    ★★★½

    men will see a remote control on the ground and say is any1 else gonna turn my wife into to a robot for me and not wait for an answer

  • Practical Magic

    Practical Magic

    ★★★★

    WHEN am i gonna get a call on the school phone tree asking me to join a coven

  • Happy Death Day 2U

    Happy Death Day 2U

    ★★★★

    for a sequel whose entire premise is one involving time loops and repetition, this manages to be more fresh & original than the majority of franchises out there

  • The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

    The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

    ★★★

    can someone PLEASE put some respect on leah clearwater’s name

  • What's Up, Doc?

    What's Up, Doc?

    ★★★★

    barbra streisand.... Hot

  • The White Princess

    The White Princess

    ★★★½

    sometimes it’s enough to just thirst-watch

  • How the Grinch Stole Christmas

    How the Grinch Stole Christmas

    ★★★½

    gay rights!

  • The Cat in the Hat

    The Cat in the Hat

    ★★★

    this is a horror film

  • Two Night Stand

    Two Night Stand

    ★★

    i also think calling the police on a girl u met once bc u don’t know her last name & leaving her w criminal charges on her permanent record is a Totally reasonable thing to do 🤔🤔

  • Captain Marvel

    Captain Marvel

    ★★★★

    lesbian

  • Jupiter Ascending

    Jupiter Ascending

    ★★★½

    like, a mess, but make it anticapitalist