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  • Loqueesha

    Loqueesha

    "The road to hell is paved in good intentions", and I'm sure while making Loqueesha Jeremy Saville had the noblest ideals and hopes in mind as he wrote himself a one-way ticket to some unspoken-of nether-realm foreseen by ancient Aryan druids that thrive on future human suffering. If you're one of those people who thinks that "PC culture has gone mad", and "black people have never had it better", and "whites are becoming second class citizens in their own country",…

  • Booksmart

    Booksmart

    ★½

    What's the difference between Olivia Wilde's Booksmart and Netflix's critically panned teen sex comedy The Kissing Booth?

    I laughed at The Kissing Booth despite the fact that it's a terrible film.

    I wish I could say I laughed at all tonight. Instead, I got to squirm in my seat, berated by SNL-tier comedy writing, shrill people signal-boosting moderate left politicians, twenty year-olds playing teenagers in a banal narrative crowded with toothless social commentary jabs, and the intros to about 30…

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  • Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

    Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

    Beloved character Nude Scaramanga has returned for another entry in J.K. Rowling’s distended cinematic universe as Doctor Who-ry Potter in Blandtastic Queefs: Donaldtrump Grumblekin’s Series of Plantagenet Misdeeds. In this dreck-citing shit-eration of the lucrative franchise, Johnny Depp does his best impression of David Bowie humanizing Hitler while Eddie Redmayne, crippled by social anxiety disorder, bumbles about, mumbling, stumbling upon fantastical CG creatures while people either murder babies or reminisce about babies dying. There is a lot of child death…

  • Annihilation

    Annihilation

    ★★½

    In the ever increasingly difficult task of keeping science fiction fresh there are bound to be a few casualties. I did not expect director Alex Garland would disappoint with his follow up to 2014's Ex Machina, but Annihilation is the very definition of a sophomore slump. Much like another audacious but vacuous sci-fi outing, Inception, the film boasts dazzling visuals in service to a thin plot that's lacking any semblance of an emotional core. A cool concept is squandered in…