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  • The Snowman

    The Snowman

    ½

    Driving down the interstate just now, I remembered that I watched this movie months ago. Which is impressive when you consider how powerfully forgettable it all is, really. To be honest, I'm not sure there even is a Snowman in this thing. The main character's name is Harry Hole. That's pretty much it.

  • Dragged Across Concrete

    Dragged Across Concrete

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Nobody actually gets dragged across concrete. A few people do get dragged, but they get dragged on what looks like gravel. And they certainly aren't dragged across it. Once, in 10th grade, I loudly corrected Mr. Moody when he said "acrossed," in front of the whole class. He looked at me sternly, with hate, and acridly replied, "I'm sorry." Sometimes, I want to write Mr. Moody a letter and tell him that I was way out of line, because it's…

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  • Green Book

    Green Book

    ★★½

    It's called 'Green Book', but I'm not really sure why. The titular guide is only discussed between characters once (that I recall), when Viggo's wife hands it to him (even though she knows he can't read). If anything, it should be called 'Green Rock'. Or maybe 'The Hungry Adventures of the Hammiest Shitball'. Speaking of Viggo, his performance is cartoonishly brilliant and full of surprises. He'll eat anything and slap anybody, and he is somehow totally unfazed upon learning that his mulignana friend is a secret finocchio. Tragically, we are left wondering if he ever learns that dishes can be washed instead of throwing them away.

  • Us

    Us

    ★★½

    An army of clones, or "Tethereds", as they prefer to be called, attack a vacationing family and a large part of southern California. They might attack beyond that, I'm not sure. That isn't the point, I don't think. Or maybe it is. Anyway, there's a bunch of Tethereds. Presumably created by The Red Jumpsuit & Scissors Company as a customer base, these Tethereds emerge from the forgotten subterranean depths of tunnels and subways hidden beneath... the beach? I guess so. Jordan…