The problem isn't really the cliche horror elements added via studio-mandated reshoots, as director Joe Berlinger attests; nor is it the constant imposition of Marilyn Manson and other 2000-era alt-rock to sell the obligatory Music From and Inspired By soundtrack album. The problem is that Berlinger is completely fucking inept on every conceivable level—this is one of the most embarrassingly amateurish theatrical films I've ever seen, and even in its unaltered form this dopey meta-wank would be nothing but laughable.
This movie is basically Working Girl, just with a giant lizard instead of Sigourney Weaver.
It's big. It's stupid. It's an hour too long. The CGI has aged poorly. The Taco Bell commercials with the talking chihuahua saying "heeere leezurd leezurd leezurd" are more narratively compelling. I loved this when I was nine years old; I've always assumed its odious reputation was a reflexive exaggeration made by kaiju nerds (most authentic Godzilla movies also suck), but revisiting it as an adult I can see that yes, it is absolute junk—and yet it's still somehow more entertaining than the dull as shit Gareth Edwards one.
haha the police joke that they don't torture "ni**ers" no more, they torture "people of color" hahaha xD
haha Frances McDormand has to go on a date with a midget whaaaaat??? xD
Have you ever had an aspiring filmmaker friend who's really into stuff like Goodfellas, who is always asking you to read his screenplay and give him feedback, and then you read the screenplay and it's just smarmy Coen Brothers fan fiction with a self-consciously "literary" title, except he…
"George reached. The clown seized his arm. And George saw the clown’s face change[...]; what he saw destroyed his sanity in one clawing stroke. 'They float,' the thing in the drain crooned in a clotted, chuckling voice. It held George’s arm in its thick and wormy grip, it pulled George toward that terrible darkness where the water rushed and roared and bellowed as it bore its cargo of storm debris toward the sea. George craned his neck away from that…