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  • The Russian Bride

    The Russian Bride

    ★★

    I want to believe that Karl is a good man...
    -Nina

    Corbin Bernsen read this script and thought "THIS! This is the movie where I'll show my naked 64 year old ass in." That's worth at least 2 stars on it's own right?

    The movie misses the mark slightly but staggers across the finish line of what it was trying to accomplish. I liked the story, the performances were ok, but it's poorly paced and struggles with it's low budget.…

  • The Convent

    The Convent

    ★★★

    The Prince of Evil? You work at fuckin' Dairy Queen.
    -Mo

    A complete rip-off of Night of the Demons, but I guess that's ok since director Mike Mendez cites that as the inspiration for the film? After I learned that other influences were Evil Dead II and Demons I wondered if much of anything in the movie was "original".

    Still though in the land of low budget horror movie ripoffs, this one ain't so bad. Compared to some horror movies…

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  • Guardians of the Galaxy

    Guardians of the Galaxy

    ★★★★½

    I am Groot.
    -Groot

    I am Groot. I AM Groot! I'm Groot. I am GROOT? I'm GROOT! I AM GROOT?! I am Groot! I AM Groot. I'm Groot?! I am GROOT! I'm GROOT? I AM GROOT. I am... GROOT!

    I am GROOT. I AM GROOT! I'm GROOT?! I AM Groot? I'm Groot! I am Groot?! I am Groot? I AM Groot?! I'm Groot? I am GROOT?! I'm GROOT. I AM GROOT? I... AM... GROOOOOOOT!

    ************SPOILER WARNING************
    I am Groot.
    ************END OF SPOILERS************

  • Jaws: The Revenge

    Jaws: The Revenge

    ½

    Roar!
    -Shark

    Instead of doing a review I will just point out the crap that inhabits this film.

    - The shark roars like a lion.
    - Mario Van Peebles does a Jamaican accent
    - The shark swims from New York to the Bahamas in less then 3 days.
    - This is the sequel that popularized the tagline "This time it's personal!"
    - African Americans feet apparently look Caucasian under water
    - The god damn shark is hunting one family, even…