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  • Dark Phoenix

    Dark Phoenix

    ★★★★★

    And with that, the assimilation is complete. To anyone who's a superhero or superhero movie fan, this marks a sad occasion, not a joyous one. But the reaction to this is the grossest thing in the world; a bunch of Marvel Studios art gatekeeper fanboys wearing matching uniforms with "MCU" written on the shoulder beating this movie with batons that say "ONLY FUN ALLOWED" on it because they feel the need to keep superheros 'where they belong' (in the art…

  • Mission: Impossible - Fallout

    Mission: Impossible - Fallout

    ½

    I remember when this franchise was good. When I think of Ghost Protocol I think of multiple fun, tense, and creative set pieces. It also reminds me how this franchise has lost it's identity. What happened to these being spy films?

    On the other hand, the set pieces in Fallout are almost all chase scenes and I just don't understand what I'm supposed to be getting out of watching Tom Cruise ride a motorcycle around or run around or jump…

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  • Avengers: Endgame

    Avengers: Endgame

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    A safe, sloppy, contrived mess with a downright un-Christian running time featuring the cringiest scenes in recent memory.

    Hey GAMERS and people aware of GAMERS, you're gonna be in stitches when Thor and his buddies are playing Fortnite and Thor gets on the mic and tells (I shit you not) "NoobMaster69" that he's gonna go to his mother's basement and beat him up!

    Hey WOMEN, we love FEMINISM! We got you REPRESENTED with this 1 shot in the final battle…

  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    ½

    Never have I seen a movie so immediately and bluntly let you know that the people who made it are idiots: in the beginning of the movie they make fun of the "emo-Peter Parker" stuff in Spiderman 3 not realizing that it was intentionally funny, not to mention far more inventive and funny than anything in their own movie. Truly embarrassing. The cherry on top being that they did this via the tired "we don't talk about that anymore" joke…