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  • Welcome to Marwen

    Welcome to Marwen

    The only way Robert Zemeckis can cum is to build an entire film, big or small, great or shit, around a central technological jerk-off session.

  • Quatermass II

    Quatermass II

    ★★★½

    A solid 50s creepypasta about the world's bossiest scientist fighting aliens made of ammonia boogers that fly around in lawn darts and piss all over anyone that touches them. A surprising number of deaths by tommy gun.

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  • Ma

    Ma

    ★★½

    The desperation and rage that Octavia tears out of herself is totally wasted on this brackish Blumhouse secretion.

    And the prosthetic dick was too smooth. There was zero sense of texture or sub-surface translucence. They didn't even attempt to replicate pearly penile papules. Such rote craftsmanship.

  • Footloose

    Footloose

    ★★★

    A vibrant opening titles and a youthfully delirious ending with a cinematic tire fire between them.