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  • Resident Evil: Apocalypse

    Resident Evil: Apocalypse

    ½

    This movie is such an unmitigated piece of shit that if it had a face, I would kick it.

    You wouldn't be able to tell I had kicked it in the face, because the editing would be too shitty.

    This movie is a bag of farts.

  • Resident Evil: Extinction

    Resident Evil: Extinction

    ★★★★

    Come for the trashy Mulcahy goodness, stay for Iain Glen doing the lord's work as an evil corporate mass of tentacles. Every time you think this thing is about to fall into rote Matrix riffs and idiocy, it zags into some straight up knock-off George Miller batshittery. It's as dumb as a bag of rocks, there's a character whose name is K-Mart, and there is a telekinetic battle with a swarm of zombie birds. And that's before Mutant Jorah Mormont…