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  • Rollergator

    Rollergator

    ★★★

    Rollergator has a female lead that looks great in a sports bra, Joe Estevez riding Carnival rides, a wise crackin' gator puppet, & an interesting soundtrack.So, what else do you fucking what????? I did try to get my 6 year old daughter to watch this w/ me but apparently she has more sense (or important things to do) than I did. So, officially this is a movie for no-one. Well, besides Joe Estevez riding Carnival rides, Rollergator also has a rapping…

  • Toad Warrior

    Toad Warrior

    ★★

    Here’s a pull quote for Toad Warrior: Toad Warrior is the That Obscure Object of Desire of frog movies. Actually, I need to see Donald Jackson’s Return to Frogtown (Frogtown II) just to attempt to map out exactly what road Jackson took to get from making a solid B movie (Hell comes to Frogtown) to this cinematic atrocity. Toad Warrior’s light tone serves as a slight distraction to this searing blight, as Toad Warrior is basically vaguely connected footage edited…

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  • Super Hell

    Super Hell

    ★★★

    At some point towards the end, Conrad Brooks promises to take his friend/co-worker/employee (?) Yo-Yo to see Super Hell, then the scene ends. So Yo-Yo and the audience never get to visit Super Hell, never get to see if the shit show of Super Hell’s poster art pays off. Well, maybe we’ll finally get to see Super Hell in Super Hell 2, I mean the poster art is same, and if Super Hell isn’t in Super Hell 2 then it’s…

  • The Thirsting

    The Thirsting

    ★★★

    Classic example of a Deus de Mickey Rooney ending is somewhat cheapen by the usual twist double ending, but Tina Krause plays a nun with a troubled past and see visions! But does not share a scene with Mickey Rooney. Some Catholic college volleyball girls summon Lilith with okay dokey results. Mildly erotic horror movies are oft sneered at, but if you aren't a sneerer, then you might dig this sexy nonsense.

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  • Mutilations

    Mutilations

    ★★★★

    I turned 42 today, so I took the day off from work and as the kids (at least the kids in my middle aged view point) would say #daydrinking. I know you're saying "goddamn it Smellington, we know you're middle age, stop bringing it up and the whole drunk review is sooooo 1990s", but on the other hand *************************, so fuck you. If you're confused, well so am I. Anyhoo, I've been anticipating seeing Mutilations for at least the past…

  • Silk Stocking Strangler

    Silk Stocking Strangler

    Jackie and Olivia are a couple months short on their rent, so they agree to put on a heavy petting show for their landlord. And as you probably can guess, a little same sex smooching and blouse mauling only leads to silk stocking strangling, auto-asphyxiation, and DEATH. As usual, this Factory 2000/William Hellfire production is unimaginative and personality free (unlike the W.A.V.E. production videos which carry that moldy creepy Uncle vibe) and honestly, in order to make this review even…