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  • The Hummingbird Project

    The Hummingbird Project

    ★★★

    How the fuck did they make a story about some lads laying fibre-optic cable engaging?

  • Men in Black: International

    Men in Black: International

    ★★

    Something something cheap neuralyzer gag something something.

  • Murder Mystery

    Murder Mystery

    ★½

    The guy who wrote Zodiac wrote this 🙃

  • Wolves at the Door

    Wolves at the Door

    ★½

    A film conceived in poor taste, and with no idea how to tackle the subject at hand. Context is thrown out the window, in favour of a by-the-numbers, The Strangers-esque, home invasion thriller.

    At a very trim 73 minutes however, you will still have time afterwards to berate yourself for giving this the time of day.

  • Gloria Bell

    Gloria Bell

    ★★★

    Was thinking a lot about my own future whilst watching this and have come to realise I will be Sean Astin... ruining lives in Las Vegas.

  • Brightburn

    Brightburn

    ★★★½

    I’m not saying if he’d pounded off a bit, that this could be avoided. But I’m also not NOT saying that either.

    What I can only assume was born out of a serious sesh and pondering “what if Superman was evil?”. Brightburn is a fascinating beast, where I can’t quite scarcely believe this exists but I’m sort of glad it does. Inventive, over-the-top gore gags and all.

  • Ma

    Ma

    ★★

    I basically wound up at a party like Ma’s on Saturday and it was more harrowing than this.

  • The Hurricane Heist

    The Hurricane Heist

    ★★

    How can you really hate a film where a skull miraculously appears in a hurricane, not once, but twice?

  • Clue

    Clue

    ★★★½

    On a day where I am feeling hungover to shit, this was exactly the kind of comfort cinema I needed.

  • Teen Spirit

    Teen Spirit

    ★★

    [extremely Randy Jackson voice]
    “”it’s a no from me, dawg”

  • Generation Wealth

    Generation Wealth

    ★★★

    Eat the rich.
    But at what cost? The cost is salmonella from a 53-guy bukkake.

  • Dark Phoenix

    Dark Phoenix

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Jennifer Lawrence, go with god. Your suffering is over.