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  • The Pyramid

    The Pyramid

    ½

    The Pyramid crumbles into an ancient Egyptian mess. Here's hoping Anubis doesn't measure my beating heart on the scales of the afterlife, because with what I'm about to say I don't think he'll approve. This is, by far, one of the worst "found footage" horror films I've ever seen. In fact, it's actually so generically terrible, that I wondered if the characters were really in a pyramid or the basement of a Hollywood studio, trying to claw their way to…

  • Fast & Furious 6

    Fast & Furious 6

    ★★★

    Fast & Furious 6 copies what made its predecessor so rejuvenating, just set in London. 'Fast Five' was a franchise high, transforming a forgettable street-racing montage into an action extravaganza that disregards all laws of physics. This sequel doesn't add too much to Hollywood's popular soap-opera, but it didn't need to. "Family" and absurd set pieces is what you want, and Lin certainly delivers them. Just a shame the fluffiness in between marks for some dangerous pacing issues. More swerve-inducing than…

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  • The Emoji Movie

    The Emoji Movie

    ½

    The Emoji Movie is a "meh" slowly turning into an "angry" and finishing on a "poop" emoji. When a film, any film for that matter, garners near-universal disdain from everyone, naturally my curiosity spikes up more than Christina Aguilera does when singing "Heyyyyyy!". I like to give these so-called atrocities a chance. Well, I gave this film a grand total of two whole minutes before my mind digitised itself, allowing my soul to escape through the streams of Spotify. Urgh,…

  • Midsommar

    Midsommar

    ★★★★

    Midsommar brightly dances through fields of tulips to create an unsettling depiction of emasculation. "That was a waste of time" muttered the viewers behind me. "What on earth is going on?" laughed the friends in front of me. "That was hilarious!" chuckled the imprudent heterosexual lads as I was walking out. Rather infuriatingly, as with most cases of contemporary filmmaking, I yearned to instantly throw a rebuttal at their faces. "What did you expect?".

    Sure, A24 were excessively marketing this…