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  • Star Wars

    Star Wars

    ★½

    Luke has plot armor.
    Han has plot armor.
    Leia has plot armor.
    Everyone has plot armor.
    Darth Vader isn’t scary.
    The droids aren’t funny.
    Chewbacca isn’t cute.

    There, I did it. Fuck you, George Lucas.

  • Inside Out

    Inside Out

    ★★

    Why does Pixar always make such safe, family-friendly SJW garbage?
    Try something risky, like Illumination.

    These emotions don’t feel like characters, the elephant doesn’t either, because the real characters are on the outside world all the time, not given enough protagonism.

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  • The Bye Bye Man

    The Bye Bye Man

    ★★★★★

    Don’t you dare tell me Get Out is terrifying and this isn’t. This movie handles horror in new, innovative, unexpected ways and it works.

    Some people aren’t obviously ready for this new movement (and I’m sure this movie will eventually be considered the first of its type), but in a few decades, this will be the new Psycho (except a lot better).

    The plot and the characters take the back seat as the movie introduces us to this fresh concept.…

  • Spider-Man: Homecoming

    Spider-Man: Homecoming

    ★½

    Oh, look!
    It’s a coming of age with no stakes, no consequences and the most obvious character development!

    Also, Andrew Garfield was the ultimate Spider-Man.